Work has been a challenge trying to find what is the right balance to understand my classroom environment. I have been going back and forth with different strategies and trying to fill in the gaps that are existing in their skills. They have all been slowly improving but its just been a lot of changes.
I recently took the first part of CPACE. It went okay, but I don't know if my okay is good enough. I had been test-prepping for quite some time, so the format and what I was expecting was not surprising. The questions I dealt were about spaces, low-achievement, and writing skills. Overall, I pray I passed it, but only time will tell me.
For this month, it has been a struggle for me personally. I have just been going and going, and this is the free weekend where I could take a break. I know I have been drowning myself with work because it gives me a sense of purpose. It will have been almost a year where my drive and direction changed. As much as I want to believe I am better, in which case I am. I still lapse to my past, and the pain is still there. It has become apart of my character and I am learning how to live again.
I drove out of my city to buy the book milk and honey by Rupi Kaur. I never thought a simple set of poetry could mean so much to me. In her poetry, I related to her section about the loving and the breaking. Selfish is what life had been for me. At times I feel like a fool, and I am trying to understand what it means to heal. Loneliness is something I am getting used to, and embracing solitude is a hard lesson. Overall, we have to take it day by day. I have to take it day by day and I can only hope that tomorrow will just be okay.
What I once knew is no longer what I know to be true.