However, my world stopped on the morning of Monday, March 11. A typical morning where I wanted to snooze 20 minutes. My mom was preparing to head to work, where the prior week she worked two jobs non-stop. This morning changed my life though, the phone rang and my mom's tone was not the same. I heard her say "mamang" which means mother in Ilocano and I knew in my heart something was wrong. By instinct, I got out of bed, opened the door, looked at my mom and said I will drive you. Less than 2 minutes, I told her let's go and she was scattered. I stopped her and told her it will be okay and hugged my mom. A rarity from me, as hugging is not a common practice in my life. She cried. It was heartbreaking, yet the most meaningful moment for her. We drove to Laurel Heights with 2 firetrucks, an ambulance, and 5 police cars. It was like a crime scene-but not. We waited-my mother went in- and all that ran through my head was stay strong-let the tears fall-but stand your ground. I watched my grandmother be carried away on the stretcher- knowing that this was the end.
I came back to work because I still had a responsibility to take care of my sub plans. And with a phone call, my grandmother passed away. She was 87 years old. The coming two weeks became in and out at work, prepping while as what at school, and prayers and preparation for her burial. Life stood still, and although I have assimilated back to my normal schedule this past week, I have just felt like a shadow in my own body. I was blessed to listen to my cousins' that shared their memories of our mamang and I was guided and honored to give the eulogy for this woman. My heart and my eyes break once in a while, but with time all things heal as they say.
I won't have the chance to have possible children know their great grandparents, I won't have my grandparents there when/if I do decide to get married. There are things that are missed-but there were things they saw-my college degree, my master's degree, my career as a teacher, purchasing a home, and seeing my love and lose love.
I now only have one grandparent left-but it will never be the same as losing the grandmothers in my life. I realized my persistence, determination, stubbornness, discipline, kindness, grit, family comes from them. I am humbled to have had them in my lives. Mamang will forever be in my heart. Wilhelmina will also be my guide in teaching.
I truly thank my colleagues who supported me in this tough time in my life, my students who although drive me crazy-care about my well-being, and my family for being there with us.
On the brighter note-among the sadness in my heart, I was honored to be selected as the Teacher of the Year at North Salinas High School. I found out 4 days after my grandma passed. An honor she would have loved to hear.
Rosario Uganiza