I asked my students to write a "dear me," which was actually a copy of my sister's blog that I felt my students just needed a point of reflection. As I read them this past weekend, it is true that we are our own worse critic. My students were harder on themselves than I am to them. But I assume it is because we always expect more from ourselves. In return for my student's honesty, I shall do the same.
Dear Me,
How do you do it? Overwork yourself to the point of no motivation to continue. Yet, you keep trying. Why? You keep your time so busy, and yet you have no emotional satisfaction. Have you lost your touch? Every day you put up this front, being calm, collective, independent. In reality, you truly are. But why do you keep on wanting more? You do what you do because of its unpredictability. As much as you are becoming older, your career is your life. I know you secretly enjoy it, and that is what makes it astonishing that you keep pulling yourself back up every day.
How's the outside world? I know you are disappointed, not being able to change much of it. But you learn how to cope, adapt, and still own what you can. Just keep going. Even in its darkest hour, there is always a light at the end to keep guiding you through uncertainty. In return, you seem to be wiser than before. Keep pushing forward. You know you will get through it, and you will leave a thumbprint that can be everlasting.
How's your heart? Words can never justify what you are feeling. A moment of joy can easily be a moment of despair. Are you patient enough to just let it be? I know it seems like you are at the end of your road, but it could just mean you are close to the end of a paved road. You have always known for years you went off the path you knew would be better. I know your heart carries on, its faithful beyond your years. Just endure. You wouldn't have gotten here if there was no challenge, to begin with. It is just part of the story.
You have always been unique. That's the beauty of it all.
Best,
Yourself