Many of my students received more of their college application outcomes. It has been tough watching some of them deal with the decline of a school- but it is also a lesson we all learn about rejection. It allows us to pick ourselves up, and not let a decision or let-down determine who we are, who we can be, and what we can do. I am always proud of those AVID kids for their resilience and their learning process. Although, I know I haven't been up to par- that class continues to teach me about the motions of high school. After the break, we will be at 8 weeks until graduation.
On the personal note- I have procrastinated on studying for Part 2 of my CPACE journey. Although, there isn't much for me to "study" from, as it is an evaluation of a teacher's lesson and reviewing anecdotal data about school leadership. Although my experience with WASC, AVID, and Instructional Coaching has given the opportunity to do those things in real life; I am more worried about how I can actually write it. My issue with exams with written content is that you don't know who's reading it and what they want. At least there is a rubric- which is why it's important to have rubrics! My confidence in the exam is a low, but it will be a good experience to try and probably try again. My time is limited though, since I will be preparing and moving, AP testing, and preparing for summer school.
As for life itself, it is going. I am moving and going through the motions. I am still fearful & nervous about what could lie ahead. But I am actually happy with the progression and the unknown is exciting and nerve-wracking. I am more cautious, even though my heart wants to react instantly. I have been reading more to just clear my mind. And with a recommendation, I have been trying meditation, which actually helps me a lot with the pacing in my mind and work life. As much as I had pain in the past two years or so, I am healing and embracing the small joys in my life. Happiness and starting over starts with you. And now I value more of the people I have and let into my life. I am thankful for one person, who just makes me happy in the most simplistic ways.
In one of the poems by Leav, she writes, "Everyday I measure the weight of my past against the present and feel the drag of what could have been." In my heart, I am constantly doing that. But it is more of a sense of relief. I had to let go of my past, in order to see clearly what I already have, and the potential of my goals and myself. My present has outweighed my past.