My retake for my exam is this week, and I think I will be okay again, but I hope I pass this time around. If not, I am ready to put that path on hold for now since I have two different opportunities on the horizon. I applied for a Fulbright program and I am actually nervous and excited about the program. It is not a full-year placement, but a 2-3 week placement somewhere in Asia. With the way my life has been moving, I feel like I am trying to live the life I wanted to a decade ago. I am nervous about the program, but I still need to see if I get approved. It is worth taking the risk, then not knowing if it is possible.
In the world of my students, I feel bad for not being there as much due to the other hats I wear at school. What I do love about them, is that they can still pick up where we left off, which makes me fortunate in my planning. A lot them are starting to hear about their next adventures and one of them was selected rotary student for the month of January. I was very proud she was picked, even though I nominate students all the time! Unfortunately, I was not able to join in her during the rotary meeting since I was tutoring, but my principal told me that she told the audience I was "real" and sarcastic. I laughed. And the next day my sister told me that she used me as one of her favorite teacher memories. She told her professor and fellow colleagues that even though I cried almost every day of my first year teaching, that it was amazing how students thanked me afterward for being "real" and passionate. At that point, I asked my sister and myself what is this "real" definition. For me, it means honesty-whether good or bad. For my sister, it meant being truthful, caring, and supportive. At the end of the day, I am glad being real and sarcasm are the adjectives students describe me as.
My kiddo also received his acceptance to a school in Japan, and I am also very proud of him. He worked really hard to prepare himself for the program, and although he disappointed by taking away some of his opportunities and not taking risks, I am happy he did this. AVID also had their social this past week, and although it was small, it was amazing how much they have grown. And also how many different students there are now that I am losing track. I value them all constantly for giving their best to reach their dreams.
As for me, I am still having insomnia, currently have a cold, trying my best to juggle more things then I can handle. studying for an exam I am crying internally over, and planning planning planning everything! My life has been up and down these past few weeks. Luckily I have great friends who are supporting me and my retail therapy issues. Sometimes I break and I have to remember that I am in a better place. That this time it is about me, and that I should cherish the friendships I have. I have been trying to play it cool, smile, and love the time I am in. At the end of the day, I have given it my all and sometimes you reach a point where you are left vulnerable and it's hard to take that leap of faith. Sometimes you just did enough.