Change in leadership happened at my site, LA went on strike, and observing students away from my teacher lens has not sparked joy in my job. I always worry deep down inside if am I doing my best. At the end of each day, I try to remember one thing or so that happen that made me feel relevant and/or that served my purpose for the day. Luckily, there has always been something each day that tells me I did what I was supposed to do, and it is enough. Although I wish my students work ethic picked up a bit, I also know that they are still learning and understanding who they can be in a world that is pressuring them to be someone they are not.
As for changes in my site, they have been whatever in my head. I am not a fan of sudden change-but I can easily adapt and just keep going. Besides my focus is on prep for AVID recruitment and AP Testing (along with teaching my classes), and Fulbright. People may say I am insane for taking on so much, and a part of me now feels like it. But I know I do not do these things in vain because I know they will help later in my career if I ever decide to pursue an administrative position.
The other side of life, my sister is still home so I honestly feel like I am still on Winter Break until she leaves next week. My personal goals have been moving along with reducing spending on consumer items, still keeping up with Crossfit and patience. There are moments when I feel I should settle and there are moments when I tell myself you are better than that. As much as I have leaped forward from the past, some parts of my hopes and dreams seem further away from me. I know that I substitute my work/career success with my personal success because at this very moment it is what I have. I know patience is a virtue and I have lived the best life I can live-but is it ever enough? I have what I need, and I know that if this is the journey I am on, I have everything I need. But where's the joy? That is the void that I want to be filled.